USA is so gay *WARNING - RANT ALERT!!! SOME READERS MAY BE OFFENDED.

Well, I think it's finally time. We've all known it for a while now, it's been on everyone's mind for ages. I'm talking about the United States. It's full of a lot of really nice people and we all have many friends there, but it's time to disband the United States of America. The majority of the planet rightly sees this country as the planet's most serious threat to peace and international stability. Case in point, besides all sorts of hints and allegations regarding new governments in South America and their 'revolutionary' ideas (even if it does turn out to be empty rhetoric) about using their oil wealth to help their own citizens instead of US shareholders, some numb-nuts video game company has just released a new game ('mercenaries:II') based on the not-at-all farfetched scenario of a US invasion of Venezuela.

Perhaps it would not have caused such a stir if the game had come out of a less bellicose country, and if Pat Robertson, the leader of America's biggest lobbying group - the Christian Coalition - had not been recently heard on national christian radio calling for the assassination of Venezuela's democratically elected president (wanker!!). I'm sure, for instance, that residents of Nicaragua would fail to see the innocence of such a game (seeing as their population still hasn't regained its pre-Reagan levels after he punished them for electing the wrong government).

Anyways, because everytime I read the news I get P.O.'d, and I'm totally sick of it- because hating the USA is cliched and facile (yet I still can't help it), I've decided that the simplest thing to do is just break the country up into its fifty component states (Hawaii will become independent, and Alaska will join Canada as it will make our map nicer; the territories stolen from Mexico will be returned, thus solving any so-called 'immigration' problems).

Like I said, anti-Americanism is stupid (although understandble if you have been or are currently being invaded or are facing the prospect of invasion). However, since I find it so difficult to overcome these feelings, I feel it will be easier to disband the country in question, thus eliminating the possibility of feeling 'anti' it.

The easiest way to put my plan into action would probably be (to take a well-read page from the CIA's protocol book) to arm a group of religious fanatics so they can overthrow the government and impose a state of general chaos a-la-Afghanistan. (The prime candidates would likely be Christian fundementalists of the Pat Robertson variety who would jump at the chance to begin stoning homosexuals and bombing abortion clinics with the aim of a return to the dark ages. Heliocentric astronomy would be banned, to say nothing of evolutionary theory or other subversive sciences.)

Well, I think I've worn myself out....seriously though....I need to find a newspaper that will just tell me that everything is okay. I think they sell USA Today at the train station...d'oh!! there I go again!

With a view to equality I should mention that if the USA is to be disbanded then its only fair that all other countries disband as well, which is fine by me and will prevent any further immigration difficulties to myself and numerous others. However, many (if not all) will not share my eccentric anarchist's point of view as this will make international hockey tournaments less exciting (although in light of Canada's recent performance at the Turin Olympics it may be an attractive idea after all!)

P.S. My good wife has rightly pointed out that, myself being an anarchist, I shouldn't use the word 'anarchy' in its pejorative sense "...general anarchy a-la-Afghanistan...". I have therefore replaced it with the word 'chaos', so as not to defeat my own cause.