hey dudes
Hi everyone. It's been awhile hasn't it. Well, I just haven't haven't had anything interesting to say. I think another major reason why I haven't been able to bring myself to blog is because I have been lonely and the prospect of blogging has only served to confound that loneliness. What a poor substitute for the company of friends is blogging. No faces, no laughter, no visceral pleasures of any kind. You can't share a meal or a drink over the internet, or a hug or handshake.
I am sick and tired of being deprived of family and friends, and I am tired to death of England sometimes. I really miss home comforts like freedom of movement (in the form of a car and safe neighbourhoods); and especially all you friends and my family. Living an isolated life in another country is quite simply bollocks. My only friends are students and my meetings with them are fleeting and ephemeral, always too short and far too infrequent.
I may end up compounding my misery next year. I've applied to do a masters' degree in London. I don't know if I'll get accepted, I should know by January. If I do get accepted, it will mean an undesirable move to London and the possibility of even greater poverty and squalor. This is a worst case scenario, but it is the default in a lot of ways. It could turn out much better: Beth could get a good paying job, I would hopefully enjoy my studies, and we could maybe afford to come visit our friends and families more often than at present. Either way the future is riddled with uncertainty, which is growing tedious.
Well, there you have it. Life is currently boring and regimented, with few punctuations of excitement or novelty. Although I am enjoying my studies, and am very grateful for the opportunity God has given me. It is not overly difficult right now, for which I must be thankful, however it is not really fulfilling - my cup is not brimming over. Thank the Lord though for passing moments of happiness and distraction which do still occur.
I try to get perspective by thinking of this time as an interregnum between the carefree years of adolescence and whatever the hell comes after university. The problem is that I harbour two conflicting desires: I want to continue my studies which I find so rewarding in some ways, but I also want to have freedom and resources to spend much, much more time with family and friends. Doing stuff I dearly miss like snowboarding and going on road trips, etc. Crunching through the snow with my dog, and all that kind of thing. I feel alienated from my real desires.
Well, if it has not been made apparent enough, I miss you all my friends and family. I don't know if I'll blog again for a while. Maybe this post will mark an upturn though in my blogging habits and I will blog more, however I am inclined to doubt it.
God bless you all.
5 Comments:
Hi Drew.
Just for the record, I check your blog almost every day, to see what you're up to and how you're doing! I agree that blogging does not help in feelings of loneliness, but at the same time it does because through them you can know that there are many people who are often thinking of and praying for you! And I want you to know that I can at least somewhat relate to feelings of not having desires met... thinking about it this week and reading Psalm 145: "You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing...He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He will also hear their cry and will save them." I would love to spend some time with you and Beth and explore places. I pray right now that you will have hope and an exciting expectation of the future things God has planned for you. I agree in that sometimes futures feel so empty because they're so completely unknown. And when our previous expectations of the future aren't met, it's just plain hard to think that the future will be good. But, it can also be exciting, and as you trust God, unexpected opportunities of good things will arise. He is good, and His plans are good. I hope and pray you find some satisfaction for your loneliness in Him. Give Beth a hug for me!
~Candice
Hey there Drew Face.
In case there is any question, "face," is a term of affection.
I share your pain. Really. I know that I'm only in Vancouver, and I am able to pop home on the odd weekend... but even so, the culture shock of living in a busy, stinking, inefficient, scary, expensive city has hit me pretty hard too this semester. So why should we both suffer so far apart? Is there any possibility to you doing your masters at SFU? I know you had considered it at one point! Other than that, I don't know what to say. I am rather discouraged myself. What Candice said about prior hopes not being met sheds a nice light on it... But it's more than that, no? It's the feeling that the world is getting darker, not lighter, and that we're fighting an uphill battle. It's the feeling that it might just get a whole lot worse in our lifetime, and that no human hand, no matter how educated, charismatic, and clear thinking, can save this sinking ship. Now, I'm sure I'm just projecting by now, and I really ought to be typing this on my own blog, and not yours, but when it's coming out, it's coming out. This is the weight on my heart. This and so few to share it with.
Anyway, love you, Drew,
and ultimately, Candice is right: it's a matter of Faith in the promises of God, that the future, ultimately, is bright.
Ash.
Amigo. I still long for the days when we will ride our bikes off to Mexico together, long hair flowing in the wind. I miss you guys too, but you can't let life get you down bro. I can't say I can empathise with your situation, but I do hear you. Find me on iChat some time, we'll be that little bit closer, we need to make that happen. Whenever you're at your computer just sign into your iChat, and I'm always at my computer, so I'll do the same. Take all you can from the awesome times, and make time to have awesome times. Hopefully talk to you soon my friend, and you keep on bromancing the stone.
Drew -
Some asparagus love going out to you, old friend.
Indeed, these ocean things cause some difficulty in having you two over for tea. Both of you are never long out of our thoughts. It will sure be awesome to live in the same place again one day. If you are still on that island in summer 2008, we may be closer than we imagined. Free camping in the Swedish countryside, anyone?
What the heck is i-chat Kyle?! Sounds sketchy to me...what about good old MSN?
Drew, here is a big hug.
I wonder the path your lives will take...Remember Tom on staff at Capernwray, he always used to talk about life being full of hills and valleys...its very true.
Speaking of which, get yourself up to the Lake District again and you will appreciate the wonder and delight that is England.
What are you wanting to do your masters in?
The fact you miss your family and friends and country so much makes them all pretty wonderful, which makes you blessed!
Can't wait to see you scallywags again. xoxoxox
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